Posted on September 11, 2011 by Cinderella"Grief is the price we pay for love" The day the Queen lost her best friend
10 Replies to “"Grief is the price we pay for love"”
The words ,"Grief is the price for love" are actually not the Queen's own words but those of Dr Colin Murray Parkes , a psychiatrist at St.Christopher's Hospice and a pioneer in this field. She at least is popularizing them but Dr Parkes' full quote is eloquent and wise and deserves to be acknowledged.The full quote can be found in his book, Bereavement: Studies of Grief in Adult Life.
"The pain of grief is just as much part of life as the joy of love:it is perhaps the price we pay for love, the cost of commitment. To ignore this fact, or to pretend that it is not so, is to put on emotional blinkers which leave us unprepared for the losses that will inevitably occur in our own lives and unprepared to help others cope with losses in theirs."
She edited it and said it better; more concise & easy to remember. He did give her the original thought though. So Yes and Yes.
I'm sure the Queen wouldn't mind giving credit where it is due. Thank you for pointing this out!
This quote was so helpful to my wife and I when our son died. He wrote the book: ALL THINGS WORK FOR GOOD.
My lovely mother wrote to me when my beloved cat Basil died and said ' grief is the price of love'. That was April 10th 2004
I do not know when Dr Colin Murray Parkes said words to the effect that grief is the price of love but I certainly remember the Lord Hailsham in a televised interview talking of the effect on him of the sudden loss of his wife in an accident saying those words in a sincere and powerful way. I took it at the time that this was original phrase but I suppose that it is conceivable that he was simply reflecting that the preexisting phrase was apposite for him. The academic comments of Dr Parker come across as prosaic in comparison. Someone else can research whether they were published prior to Lord Hailsham's utterance.
To Sandra: I deleted the comment you left here because it was off-topic and inappropriate in the context of this discussion.
Lord Hailsham was widowed in 1978, several years after Dr Colin Murray Parkes book was published. I agree that the abbreviated quote is more powerful than the original; be interesting to find out who did the editing.
I can't find Lord Hailsham's shorter version? can you post it?
Dr. Colin Murray Parkes wrote the book's first edition in 1972.